Who’s the Brightest of them All?

When the Queen finds out she is not Miss America anymore, she immediately hires some random hunter to off her rival, Snow White. She doesn’t want anyone in the castle to know that it was her who was responsible for killing the beautiful princess and one would assume that a dude with a name like, The Huntsman, would be good at killing. Good plan? Not really. It is a big leap to go from hunting a buck to killing a chick. And, how did she find that guy anyway? Did she ask the mirror? That would make sense as he is her go to for advice… ‘Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I find me someone to kill my step-daughter….y’all.’

Regardless of how he was procured, he obviously wasn’t the right man for the job. But his failure is actually the perfect opportunity for the Queen. With Snow White out of the castle, she could easily finish the job on her own. So does she venture out into the woods and kill the princess stealthily at night? Nope. She contrives an extremely complex plan that involves magic, disguises and poison and has a exponentially higher potential for failure than it does for success. But even with all her planning, she didn’t think of one of the most important parts…the getaway! And to top it all off, she leaves an out too for Snow White with the whole true love’s kiss thing. I really do feel bad for the queen. After this debacle she can’t even comfort herself anymore with the thought ‘Well, at least I am pretty.’

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Image Credit –> disney.wikia.com

Was Belle IN Love?

I’m sure I’m not the first person to ask this question. Probably tons of posts out there in the blogosphere with answers galore but honestly I am too lazy to go find them. Plus I have found that those of you that comment on my posts are way smarter than most of the people out there anyway.

So let’s first take a look at the curse. The enchantress states that he had to love someone and earn their love in return. What type of love was required for this curse to be broken? You would hope that if one was going to curse another for the rest of their lives for a small infraction, the least they could do is give some specifics?

Unfortunately she does not, but I am guessing that it wasn’t a family or friend type love that is necessary. Otherwise, why couldn’t he have just figured out how to love Mrs. Potts? Or Lumiere? Just because they are enchanted, did they lose the right to be loved? Of course not. Or maybe the issue here was that none of them loved the Prince? What does that say about the servants in this castle? Maybe they should have all been cursed after all.

And then there is Belle. When she arrives, everyone thinks that she could be the one to break the spell. I don’t think she is the first person there so what besides her beauty makes her more of a option than anyone other visitor? I mean, why couldn’t Maurice fill the role? When he arrived, the Beast didn’t even give him a shot. Locked him up right away. You would think that if you are trying to get someone to fall in love with a beast, someone with a nickname of ‘crazy, ole Maurice’ would be your best bet…but I digress.

The main question here though is not what is needed to break the curse, but what actually did. As Belle weeps over the Beast’s dying body she sobs ‘I love you.’ But what kind of love is it? I could understand the normal kind of brother/sister/friend love. Stockholm Syndrome aside, I could see a closeness forming between those two. And if that was all that was needed, then I should just stop typing. But I think we all agreed that it was something more. So, I ask you, was Belle IN LOVE with the Beast? I mean she kisses him 5 seconds after seeing him as a human…and this ain’t no friend smooch. And if she is, what does it say about a woman who falls in love with a giant monster?

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Image Credit: fanpop.com

How did that solve the Maleficent problem?

So let me get this straight…an extremely powerful sorceress comes in, places a curse upon your newborn and the best you can come up with is to hide your child away and wait it out? Did they not see how this was probably the worst decision they could have made? OK, let’s say that it works. Let’s say that they aren’t stupid enough to bring Aurora out of hiding the day before the curse ends and she makes it past her 16th year without pricking her finger. What’s to stop Maleficent from visiting again and making another curse? Or even just turning into a dragon and destroying everyone in the castle? Don’t they see they are treating a symptom and not the disease? Why didn’t the King gather his army to mount an offensive during those 16 years when he wasn’t spending time with his daughter? Surely an army with thousands of men aided by the three fairies could have defeated one witch, right? Regardless, even though Maleficent lost in the end, there is no doubt that she got her revenge and then some for being left off the guest list.

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Image Credit —> disney.wikia.com

How did Zazu survive?

It’s said that revenge is a dish best served cold. But I would assume that for a starving lion settling for a warm hornbill snack would be retribution equally satisfying. Revenge is an extremely important aspect to Scar’s usurpation of Mufasa’s throne. And keeping Zazu locked in a rib-cage watching everyone and everything die around him is definitely a fitting reprisal for past scorn received. But how long was this possible? Surely hunger would have gotten the best of the aging lion and Zazu would have disappeared in one bite. I mean, when Scar wasn’t starving he tried to eat him and that was when there was plenty of food in the pride lands. So, I guess I will pose the same question about Zazu as he did about the mouse: ‘didn’t Scar’s mother ever tell him not to play with his food?’

Scar & Zazu

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Image Credit: nocookie.net

How is Alice in Wonderland a movie for kids?

I’m not what you would call a prudish parent. I definitely wouldn’t fall too much on the liberal side either. But when I was watching Alice in Wonderland yesterday, I kept thinking to myself ‘how is this a kids movie?!?’ First of all, the heroine is a young girl who is more focused on dreaming of a world of absurdity than paying attention to her studies. Ok. That’s pretty normal. She then chooses to venture deep, deep into a hole underground by herself. I am all for adventure, but she even states out loud that she is choosing to do something she knows she shouldn’t. When she gets to Wonderland…all bets are off. She eats things that say ‘eat me’ and drinks things that say ‘drink me’ having no idea who or what put them there or wrote those signs. There are an untold number of strangers she encounters and seems to have no problem both talking to or following their advice. One is a hooka-smoking caterpillar who blows smoke letters into her face as they converse. Then she goes to a party with a pair of crazy dudes completely unchaperoned and allows them to make her drinks. Definitely not safe. All in all, she pretty much goes against everything that I have and probably will eventually ever teach my daughter. And in the end, there are no consequences for Alice. Not even a cheesy, ‘love is the answer’ to wrap it in a nice package.

Then there is the Queen of Hearts. This woman is different than the majority of other Disney villains as she has numerous people murdered over the course of the film. She just doesn’t only try to kill Alice, she flippantly sends many people to get their heads cut off. There is one scene before she even appears on screen where characters are discussing her predilection for decapitation and graphically use red paint to drive the point home. Huh? Queue the nightmares for my little dreamers…

Ok, so I get that all of this is in the book the movie is based on. But that doesn’t make it any better, does it? If we used that logic then we shouldn’t be upset or surprised if we don’t soon see Disney’s 101 Shades of Grey coming to a theatre near you!

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Image Credit —> nerdlikeyou.com

Why didn’t Flynn wait?

I’ve never been stabbed before so I can’t say for certain how I would handle myself in the same situation. However, Flynn is a man who has been in these types of scrapes before…maybe not this dire…but close. So one would think that he would be able to quickly assess the situation and understand how to best exploit the opportunity to better his circumstances. Yet in the time when he needs it most, his mental powers seem to fail him.

As Flynn lies dying on the ground, he makes what many view as a heroic sacrifice when he slices through Rapunzel’s hair to free her. But, why not just wait? Now, I know what you are thinking: Flynn has been selfish his whole life and the one selfless act that he does I am trying to take it away, right? Well….kinda. Why couldn’t he have let Rapunzel heal him and once he was all better, then cut her hair? That just makes sense. That way he wouldn’t have had to roll the dice with and rely on the out-of-nowhere magical tear.

Maybe when Rapunzel dropped him on his face, it broke more than just his smolder…

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Image Credit: bplusmovieblog.files.wordpress.com

Almost 7 Questions about the 7 Dwarfs.

I love these guys. Don’t you? Together they are gruff, sarcastic and silly. Three traits I find awesome. And one of them delivers my favorite Disney line of all time. Snow White asks them ‘How do you do?’ and Grumpy answers: ‘How do you do what?’ But what is really the story with these guys? Are they friends? Are they related? I think when I first watched this movie I assumed the latter was true. Yet, Dopey is like 30 years younger than the other guys. If they were brothers, that is a pretty big age discrepancy. Not unheard of but definitely difficult in a time before modern medicine. And while it is not clear why these guys have chosen to live together, it is clear why none of them is named ‘Accounty’ since they have to work tirelessly, day after day, mining expensive jewels yet can only afford a small shack in the woods.

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Image Credit: superwallpapers.com

Did Ariel Ever Take a Bath? (pre-human)

This question takes me back to my childhood. Like most boys, I was never really fond of taking baths. I remember actually going a full week without one and I didn’t even bat an eye. I also used to think the act of water coming into contact with my skin was good enough to take care of any visible or invisible dirt that I had interacted with. A bath was equal to a swim, even if that swim was in a pond or lake. Water equaled clean. I have since reformed, but with that as a backdrop, I ask the question that many people have probably asked over the years: do those that live in the sea need to take a shower or bath? And to stay on topic for this blog, did Ariel or any of her merfolk feel the need to bathe? Don’t answer to quickly as there are a few angles in which we should review this query.

In the human world, we take showers for many reasons. Obviously cleanliness helps us remove filth from the world we live in. It removes things that we willingly put on our body like make-up, hair product or sunscreen. It helps us eliminate bacteria and other sickness causing agents that attach themselves to our skin. Outside of sanitary concerns, it also helps us from a social perspective keeping our own personal musk from going to far beyond our skin borders. And of course it feels good to take a shower, right?
So I ask again, do you think that Ariel, while in the ocean, ever took a ‘bath?’  I would assume while flipping her fins, she would surely come into contact with something grimey or slimey. Maybe some small sea bacteria would attach themselves to her while she swam around the reef. But we know that a shower would not be possible due to their complete immersion in the liquid. So, did she have specific brushes to scrape off the barnacles? And soap? How would that work? I guess she could use bar soap but you would think it would be hard to get it to apply itself underwater.
And if she had no concept of this human practice, why was she not completely confused by the bath she receives when she becomes a human. Sure the bubble are interesting, but were bubbles really something new to her? Every time a mermaid moved underwater, thousands of bubbles would appear around them.  Maybe she was just remembering her till-recent former life and hearing Sebastian’s words echo, ‘we got no troubles, life is the bubbles, under the sea.’
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Image Credit —-> deviantart.com

Scar: The Desegregationalist?

Maybe we have Scar all wrong. If you watch The Lion King, you can easily come away with the view that Simba’s uncle is a devious usurping murderer. And this would not necessarily be incorrect. Yet, I do question if we are not presented with a somewhat lopsided view of the Royal family that predisposes us against the dark-haired lion. Mufasa, King of the Pridelands, is seen presenting his heir to resounding cheers and hoof-stamping from his subjects leading one to believe that every animal supports his rule. But we obviously know this isn’t true. I’m not talking about Scar…I’m talking about the hyenas. This group, characterized for their low intellect and ravenous appetites, have been banished from the lands and forced to live in an elephant graveyard. We know nothing about why or when this happened, only that Mufasa and team do everything to make sure this segregation continues to occur. But does he really have that right?

Hyenas are carnivores and therefore a competitor to the Circle of Life story that Mufasa bases his whole worldview around. The hyenas also eat the antelope and when they die become grass that is eaten by the antelope. Yet for some reason, they are not allowed to live in the lush, gated community that is the Pridelands. Why? They are doing what comes naturally to them, yet Mufasa does not allow them to mingle with the other local residents. We see cheetah’s in the opening sequence, so this wasn’t a sentence based on their diet. So what was it? When we look for an answer here, the obvious thing one could point to would be what the pridelands look like after Mufasa dies and Scar & The Hyenas take over. But that could be more a case of poor leadership vs. the fault of the hyenas.

So with that question swirling in the clouds of your mind, let’s revisit Scar. Say what you want about him, but one positive thing that he does is reach out to a disenfranchised group of underdogs that results in them having the same access as every other animal. Sure his motives may have been purely self-serving, but what politician doesn’t have ulterior motives for good works? And does the ends justify the means? When Scar’s obituary came out after he was digested by those he helped to free, I hope that it would mention that for a brief moment, Scar brought a little equality and pride to these lands.

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Image Credit —> fanpop.com

A Coat Tailor?

I can get past the ridiculousness of wanting a coat made out of dalmatian fur, but the question that has me seeing spots is: who was Cruella going to have produce the actual coat? Now, I understand and can rationalize someone who is privileged wanting something that no one else can have. Cruella De Vil grew up in luxury so she needs something exclusive and extravagant. We would assume that someone in her position would ‘know people’ to get it taken care of. But I don’t know if that is the case. Take Horace & Jasper. These two boneheads are the ones hired to steal dogs instead the more obvious choice of hiring professional thieves. (or buying from elsewhere)  From what we can tell these two were going to be the ones to also kill and skin the canines. I will bet that they did not have any previous experience in this vocation let alone possess any sort of expertise in fur preparation. So, it comes back to my original question. Once she gets the most certainly mangled dog pelts, who would be willing to make such a coat? And how would this amoral person be able to cobble together such a coat from the mess received? I guess that’s why she needed to steal 101 Dogs for one coat…

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Image Credit –> disney.wikia.com